How I'm Creating an Environment of Belonging

I've been on the road quite a bit over the last few day, and that has given me some multitasking moments to finish Daring Greatly by Brene` Brown ...on audio book... Don't worry, I am not so confident in my multitasking to think that I can read and drive at the same time.
Now I know I wrote about this same book last week, but it's had quite an impact on me... and well it's my blog and I'll write about what I want to write about. :)

So Brene` and I have been travelling around together and she is making some phenomenal points about whole heartedness and being the adult that I want my children to grow up to be... and then she brings up the difference between fitting in and belonging.

A Facebook status she wrote in 2012 sums it up quite well... 12 year old wisdom on fitting-in vs. belonging: "If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you, it's fitting in." Amen. 

I don't often write about homeschooling on this blog... in fact I have a whole different blog for that... but I do write about mothering and sometimes the homeschool part of my parenting overflows.

One of the reasons I homeschool my children is because I want them to have the freedom to be who they want to be in a place where they feel like they belong no matter what.  I want them to be able to experiment with their mannerisms and tweak their personalities in a place where they feel safe to do so and are free from peer influence that may dictate that they experiment with other peoples behaviors, or be demoted to the bottom of the classroom pecking order.

The scary part is, after making a statement like that, I need to examine whether or not that is true in my home.

Ways I'm creating an environment of belonging well:

• I have been exploring who I am and modelling growth and positive change for my kids. Since January I have completed the Upstream Field Guide, I have been working through The Grief Recovery Handbook with a friend, and I have sought out books like Daring Greatly.  All of these courses and books are adding awesomeness to the way I think and move through life, and hopefully showing my kids that we never stop growing. 
• I'm empowering my kids to make their own choices. It's taken me 30 some odd years to be able make solid decisions about opportunities that come my way.  And I'm still not that confident about the my final verdicts.  I am starting early with my kids and letting them decide about a lot of the events and classes available to them.  Not all of them though... because really I am still the mom.  
• I try new things. On a recent trip to Vancouver I tried Ramen for the first time... did I love it? No... but how would I know unless I tried.  I didn't make my kids try it.  They ate tried and true pasta and meat sauce, but they saw me try it and I hope they took notice.  I've also taken a mug making class which inspired my 2 oldest children to sign up for a 10 week pottery course.  We are working o being adventurous together.
• I step back. Sometimes I have to hold my hands together to keep from "correcting" an art project. I have to close my lips about a "creative" outfit choice or hair style ... but I do it.  I do it because this is their time to figure out what they like and hopefully they will have a strong sense of what it means to belong vs. fit in. 
• I am available. As much as I step back, I am also there.  I am there to give guidance on a project.  I am there to hear the story of how so and so's heart was broken by an unkind sibling.  I am there to join in the grief and joy of their childhood.

I will try embrace this silliness

Ways I could improve our environment to be have more belonging:

• Embrace silly. I really struggle with silly.  The immature senses of humor of my 3, 6 and 9 year old children sometimes make me cringe, but if my goal is to allow my children to explore who they are in a loving and safe place... I need to get on board the funny ferry and laugh along.
• Talk about it. Working toward greater belonging just might go unnoticed if I don't actually inform the rest of my family of my goal... but telling people about your goal and then sometimes failing in front of them is a scary, vulnerable thing, which obviously makes it a conversation we need to have. 
• Asking for help. I tell my kids all the time... bring me your books, just ask me for help... but I'm not a very good example of this.  I really don't like to be the student and I am often stressed out to ask question to clarify things.  I don't like to look or feel stupid.

Brene` has a printable on her site called The Whole Hearted Parenting Manifesto.  It's a beautiful declaration of who I want to be as Hudson, Meadow and Delaney's mother.  I have plans to print and frame it. 

Is your home a place of belonging or of fitting in?  What are you doing well?

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I'm a Good Mom... And So Are You

There I am newly minted mom,
 believing I was wise beyond my 23
years on the planet.

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I started out as Babywise mom, I don't know if it was Gary Ezzo's advice on scheduling a baby's feeding and sleeping that made me feel like I knew 
what I was doing as a first time mom, or my own self inflated ego, but I was a know it all. I could tell you just exactly how to solve your child raising issues, because of course all babies are the same and all toddler behavior is completely manageable. If I wasn't telling you how to parent to your face... I was probably telling someone else behind your back. I was wrong.

When baby number 2 came along I was still semi clinging to the Ezzo method, but I had also adopted a whatever works attitude. That baby slept in her swing for months, even though the book warned that she would never learn to fall asleep on her own if we did that. She did.

Fast forward five and a half years from the first baby's arrival. Baby number 3 is born into the Scott family and I have tossed Babywise out the window. I have become a co-sleeping, baby wearing, feeding on demand mama. By the time that child became a two year old I had no certainties about how to navigate this mommy gig and resorted to chocolate and lattes to get me through the day and wine and snacks to unwind once my offspring were tucked in and drifting off to dream land. (Actually who am I kidding? I cracked that bottle as soon as Craig came through the door, home from work to be the responsible adult).

Each of my little ones had a different mama, and even though I wouldn't go back to or recommend some of those past parenting styles, I would say in every phase I was a good mom. In fact I am pretty sure that any mother practicing these or a number of other of parenting strategies that include love, caring and meeting their children's needs are good moms.

Brene` Brown in her book Daring Greatly writes “You can't claim to care about children if you're shaming other parents for the choices they are making.”

Can I get an amen?!

 As a mom when I feel shamed and judged I am way less likely to be in prime nurturing mode with my children or my husband. Shame makes us more prone to isolation, which leads to feelings of inadequacy, bitterness and anger. Not a great place to be when your job is love and kindness.

Don't do that to somebody's kid. Chances are that unless you are witnessing abuse, that thing that other mom is doing, that you of course would never do, is probably not a make or break choice in their child's life.  You think your friend's kids watch too much T.V. Get over it. That other mom at the park who is feeding her preschooler a fast food lunch and is making you cringe at the unhealthiness of her choice. Get over it. I homeschool. Get over it. We don't do team sports. Get over it. We're all doing something that some other mom doesn't agree with. Get over it.

In a stage of our lives when we already worry about whether or not we are screwing up our kids we certainly don't need jack ass opinions about the decisions that go into our child raising efforts. A friendly word of encouragement or a compassionate ear can go a long way in making another parent's child raising load seem lighter. When we feel like we are doing a good job the little things that can be blown out of proportion are better able to stay in their box of “it's not a big deal.” and we can focus on the things that actually matter.

There's no use crying over spilled coffee right?

If you haven't already head over and enter The Hunt for a New Name contest.

What To Write to Your Sponsored Child's Mother.

I know it's only the end of February and Mother's Day seems very far away... but it's the perfect time to talk about what to write to your sponsored child's mother for Mother's Day.

Write about why you chose her child to sponsor

We chose our Compassion International children because they are each close in age to one of our three children and we hoped that would help our children to know what to write to their far away friends.

Tell her you love her child

Let her know that her child is precious to you.  That he or she is a part of your family.  That you are so happy to be their sponsor.  Tell her that you pray for her child often and that his or her picture is on your fridge (or where-ever you display it).

Be encouraging

Thank her for letting you be part of her child's life. Tell her that she is a good mama and she is providing wonderful opportunities for her child. 

Maybe include a poem, a quote or a scripture that relates to motherhood.

What are your ideas?  Are you sending your sponsored child's mother a letter for Mother's Day?

Linking up with Mary over at Giving Up on Perfect for Works for Me Wednesday.

Ramblings of a Travelling Minimalist

I glanced around the one bedroom hotel suite that all five of us were using as home base for two nights in Vancouver late last week.  
"How many square feet is this hotel room?" I asked Craig.  
"Oh I don't know maybe 400? 350?" He guessed
I wondered if we could all live in a small space like this?  Could we ever get to a point that we have so little that we could live in a wee cottage of a house?  I don't even know if that's something I want to turn into a goal.  Tiny houses both fascinate and horrify me.  

Anyway here's what I learned about our family's minimalist tendencies on our mini vacation:

Our kids understand the 1 in 1 out policy

Hudson actually made a deal with us one evening, "If I get rid of 7 toys could I buy 1 new toy with my own money?"  How could we pass up such an amazing bargain.  So before we left both Hudson and Meadow dutifully purged their toys.

Cutest mama lemur stuffy you ever did see!

The kids market on Granville Island is crazy overwhelming!

With Christmas money still burning a hole in their pockets we took our kiddos to the Kids Market... there are like a bajillion stores with tiny toys and stuffies and puppets and books and dolls and magic tricks and candy and dress up costumes and... my head was spinning.  Hudson managed to chose a magic trick and some crazy cool silly putty type stuff, Delaney was tickled pink with the purchase of a stuffed Pinky Pie, My Little Pony. Meadow left disappointed that the Elsa dolls and costumes were not in her budget, but I was proud of her for not settling and just buying what she could afford so she would have something new.

Sidenote: I did manage to tear myself away from the Harry Potter paraphernalia with out a snitch or a sorting hat!

It's OK to see something on sale and buy it without an intentional search for that item.

After Granville Island we spent a ton of time at Science World.  We intentionally chose to spend money on going to the Omnimax theater and enjoying that clutterless experience.  We also intentionally chose to exit Science World through the gift shop.  "What in the world were you thinking!" you may be exclaiming at your computer screen right now... but I assure you it was all rational thought.  Our children still had some money and we were there to guide them away from glow in the dark stars toward more educational products. Although we did let Delaney squander her funds on 2 stuffed Lemurs... she's 3 and it's open ended imaginative play right?

Isn't it lovely! Decompose a banana in 10 days!

Right there in the discount bin is where I first laid eyes on my semi impulse purchase. A compost observation kit.  Oh yes!  Every homeschool mom's dream and it was 50% off!  And if you want to borrow it when we're done with it I'm totally cool with that (as long as you are local).

We did really well!

Did we come home with more than we left with? Yes!  Were we prepared for that? Yes! Did our purchases overwhelm us? No! Was this trip a success in terms of maintaining minimalism?  I think so!

How do you handle travel spending and souvenirs?  

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4 Intentional Ways I am Loving on My Kids

It's Valentine's Day on Saturday so around here we are all about love this week. Yesterday I wrote about loving the world.  Today I'm going to shrink the circle a bit and talk about loving on my kids.

Books at the Table

Around the Scott house we have been making a few changes and setting some goals.  One of my goals is to read a story from The Jesus Storybook Bible to my children at the breakfast table... Not only am I spending focused time with them first thing in the day, but they are also hearing repeatedly about God's love for them.  And they are really quiet and eat without complaining which is a huge bonus for this mama who is not a natural rise and shiner.

She picked the BEST flavour... Chocolate cake.

Special Night

Our family has a tradition called "special night".  We just revamped how this works... it used to be that special nights were 3 days a week (1 for each kid) and the special kid that night got to stay up a little later, play on the iPad and sleep in mom and dad's room... This was good and all, but Craig and I felt like we weren't really connecting with our kids on these nights.  Plus having a kid in your bed 3 nights a week is a bit of a hindrance on mom and dad's special nights if you know what I mean ;)
Now special nights are once a week and Craig and I alternate taking a kid out on a date each Friday.  So last week I took just Meadow to Menchies and Next week Craig will take Hudson out somewhere and the week after that I will take Delaney on a date, then the following week Craig will take Meadow... and so on.  Alone time with each kiddo, because I want to be a mother who knows her children.

Happy Pills

We are a homeschool family and that sometimes means I become the coach around here barking at the players to just make it to the finish line.  "Get the work done!"  Not one of my finer roles.  So when I do notice one of my kiddos becoming frustrated  I quickly grab a jellybean from my stash and sneak it to that child.  We usually share a smile, and it reminds that overwhelmed student that we are on the same team and I am here to help. 

A little walk by herself

Small Freedoms

When my bigger kids become... shall we say a bit unruly, I send them for a walk to the top of our steep long driveway.  Hopefully this will reset their brains and bodies back to human behavior and away from baboon behavior.  Not too long ago Delaney, my 3 year old, told me she wanted to go for a little walk by herself.  So I let her.  To the top of the drive way and back,  She was elated!  

A lot of times we think it's the grand gestures and giant gifts that let our children know we love them... when in fact it's the little things done with intention that fill up their little hearts.

What intentional things are you doing to love on your kids?

4 Ways a Mom of Little Ones Can Love The World

It's Valentine's on Saturday so around here we are all about love this week.  I thought I would start big and give you some ideas for loving the world...

Sponsor a Child

We sponsor through Compassion International but there are other organizations doing great work out there as well. World Vision and Gospel for Asia are 2 others that come to mind.  Not only are you giving the resources for a child to be educated, you are also letting them know that someone cares.  Someone who lives far away is thinking of them and loves them. 

My children and I regularly send packages to our Compassion kids with drawings,photos, paper toys, letters and printable activities.  Writing letters makes a huge difference to a child.

This is my goat and you may not send her to Rawanda... but you can smile because
She's so cute!

Give a Goat

Really, like you didn't know this suggestion was coming right?! 

Maybe you're not in a place to be able to sponsor a child monthly right now and that's ok... but I'm wondering if you put a LOVE jar in your house and regularly filled it with pocket change, how long would it take to save up $79 to gift a goat to a family in Rawanda. Or maybe $35 to help single mothers in Ecuador start a rabbit business.  Gift that are truly a valuable hand up.

Find a Local Charity to Support

In a couple of weeks my girls and I will be walking with a team of friends and family in The Coldest Night of the Year.  It's cost me no money, just asking folks I know to donate and an evening walking downtown.  I am pumped to be walking with the people on my team and supporting our local New Life Mission. Incidentally if you would like to love the world through a donation to our team that would be super fantastic! Team Night Owls

Another way we work in the community is by volunteering at the Food Bank.  Not only does volunteering fill a need and get a job done... but you also get the opportunity to connect with the folks you're working with and create or deepen relationships.  

Pay Attention

Someone mentions that they are struggling... send them a note, let them know you are there and you care.  

Ever get that feeling you should call someone for no other reason than their name won't leave your brain?  Call them.

See a person asking you to fill their cup with spare change?  Yes drop in your coins but take a little extra time to connect.  Maybe introduce yourself. Hold out your hand and say " Hi my name is Sarah." Only insert your own name... unless your name is Sarah as well... which is entirely possible.

How about you?  In the midst of mommydom how are you finding ways to love others?

An Adoption Story... 3 Generations Later

My Grandma was adopted.  There was never a time I can remember, that I didn't know this.  Maybe it was because it wasn't a secret that it was also not a big deal to me. In fact it really had no effect on my life.  Why would it.  I am three generations away from the situation.  I was raised by my biological parents and I am close to my biological grandparents. I know my people.

My Grandma (left) and her sister Kathy

Then in July 2014 I met my long lost great aunt Kathy... one of my Grandma's biological sisters.  We sat on my mom's deck and I am a little embarrassed to admit that I studied her.  The way she talked, the way she sat, her facial expressions.  I tried to soak up all of the alikeness I could observe between this new to me family member and us.  My Grandma, my Mom and I.

Kathy and I became Facebook friends... because, well I like her... and I assume that is protocol in the 21st century with long lost family members.

One day this photo showed up in my newsfeed:

My Great Grandmother with some of her grandchildren

When I saw it my body had some sort of grievous joy reaction... Not only did my Grandmother's Mother look like her... She acted like her too!  I bawled... clearly the fact that my grandma had been adopted about 68 years earlier was no longer not affecting me.  

(Clockwise from top left) My Great Grandmother Katherine (Kay). my Grandma Louise (age 37), Me, my Mother Lila (age 30)

My own mom pointed out to me recently that when I was born I was only the third blood relative my Grandma had ever met.  (The first two being my mom and uncle).  Profound really. 

Unfortunately by the time my Grandma found her biological family Kay had been deceased for about two years.  She was the only great grandmother that I had never met and that makes me a little sad.  

Kay with her young children (my Grandma's biological siblings)

What I can tell from reading what Kathy to me wrote about Kay she was an overcomer.

"The things I remember most about my mother are her strength and humor. She was also very intelligent, although the girls in their family did not have much education."

She was brave.

After my dad died, mom had to essentially start over.She was in her 50s, had to leave the farm, find a new place to live and a job. She moved to where we, Carol (my grandma's other sister) and I were going to school, rented a place and went out and found work. This was very courageous, because she had not had a paying job in decades."

She is perhaps where my urge to homeschool comes from:

"Some of my earliest memories are of playing cards with my parents. Mom was always very patient with teaching us, so Carol and I could play solitaire and cribbage before we went to school. (I used wonder why the other kids couldn't count by twos and fives) She taught us to knit and crochet."

Here I am 3 generations away from a young woman who gave up a baby girl for adoption and kept it a secret from nearly everyone, marveling over our similar noses, crying over her other children and grandchildren's memories, giggling over the fact that "she had a wicked sense of humor and would come out with an unexpected (and inappropriate at times) zinger when least expected."  

One rarely wonders what the consequences of our choices will be on future descendants.  I suppose even without trying we live in the moment.  I would imagine that as Kay's belly was swelling with child and she was preparing to bring her infant into the world, she thought of her baby and what that wee one would be... 

I wonder if she thought about my Grandma's family.  Tried to picture what her grandchildren would be like... and what kind of mother her daughter was. 

I ponder the hurt she must have felt giving up her wee baby and carrying that secret for so long.

I wish that I had gotten known her.

Happy Birthday Grandma Frank!

Dear World,
You really must meet my Grandma Frank.  There she is!  Pretty right?  
Well world today is her birthday, so now that you know what she looks like be sure to wish her a happy birthday when you see her.  

Be warned though she isn't your typical grandma... Oh sure she crochets blankets every once in a while.  And she makes some darn good cabbage rolls... I believe bacon and love are her secret ingredients.  Yes those two things are typical Grandma activities...

But she's also a bit cheeky... sometimes the things that come out of her mouth will shock you, before you notice the twinkle in her eye and you both start to giggle.

Grandma Frank also has no trouble lending you her glasses so you can get a better look at the buns on a cyclist as you drive past him on the highway.

She doesn't seem to realize her actual age.  My kids and grandma spent plenty of time on the trampoline together last summer.  Some have even reported seeing her crawling around on the lawn with her great grand children!

So world be extra kind to my dear sweet Grandma.  She's one heck of a lady and today she's a wee bit older.

Love you Grandma!  Happy Birthday!

My Best Day...

Right now I am enrolled in Upstream Field Guide.  An online course found over at The Art of Simple.  One of the exercises is to write down what your best day would look like and I thought it would be fun to share with you and maybe find out what your best day would look like as well.

Up and at 'em

Ok I know plenty of you who know me well know that I struggle in the morning, but on those rare occasions that I am up at least an hour before my children magic happens.

So my best morning would start early.  I would walk past my full length mirror in my super cute matching jammies (because I can't starts a perfect morning in the T-shirt I borrowed from Craig due to forgetting to do laundry) and give myself a little wiggle and a wink.  There would be a steaming cuppa Macaroon black tea and the fire blazing away in the wood stove. I would bust out the laptop on the clean and clutter-free island (cleaned the night before) and I would write not one but two brilliant, viral, blog posts.

As little ones begin to stir and come out of their room each would want to snuggle me on the couch and talk about the plans for the day ahead.  The older two would then help the littlest pour her cheerios and all sit down with cereal and fruit to munch the most important meal of the day.

I would eat a fat-free toasted peanut butter and bacon sandwich for my breakfast. (We did say this was my best day right?)

Get the party started!

We could get to work on school stuff right away because the maid would work around us doing the chores. (Ok I promise I will try to be more realistic). Everybody would set about their chores quickly so we could start on school work.
A great novel study that nobody wants to tear themselves away from is how we would begin our lessons, and not a single soul would complain that the chapter is too long or that there are too many questions.
Delaney would play quietly with some very educational toy, or draw pictures ON PAPER... while the big kids and I have a lively discussions about who our favorite character is, or what will happen in the next chapter.
Then we would all paint.  Creating masterpieces on canvass that will be prominently be displayed in the living room.

Lunch Time!

There is some amazing leftover soup for lunch.  Perhaps a sweet creamy butternut squash soup or a hearty beef stew.  And when I open the fridge there is a wedge of brie cheese that will be scrumptious on some Triscuits with slices of granny smith apple.  

Each child will smile and tell me how yummy their food is and eat it all up.

The Quiet of The Afternoon

While Delaney naps each child will find a corner of the house and do a quiet activity.  Lego, or drawing or whatever they think of that is quiet and alone.  I will curl up and devour a chapter or 5 of a really good book and sip the latte that Hudson made for me. (That boy makes some good coffee).

Around 4pm we would gather up our ski gear and head to the hill where Craig will join us after work.  We will ski from 5pm until Daddy gets there and then eat burgers and fries and gravy in the lodge.  Then head on out to the lit ski hill for a few more runs before it's time to go home and put little ones to bed. 

When the Night Comes

It's just Craig and I awake now, we turn on a fabulous Netflix series and I would grab my current crochet project and a cuppa fruity herbal tea and we sit side by side, my feet might find their way under his thigh so my toes can be cozy.  Then I floss my teeth... put on my cute matching jammies and sleep all night long.

What does your best day look like?  Leave me a comment or join the synchroblog and leave me a link to you blog post.

5 Ways to Not be the Village Idiot...

Developing community is vulnerable business... I mean first you have to admit to yourself that you need people to support you in this mothering gig... and then be intentional about pursuing relationships with like minded people who you think might want to have a mutually beneficial friendship with you.  

"It takes a village to raise a child" as the saying goes... but I would like to coin the phrase "It takes a village to keep a mama going."

I have moved towns twice.  Once away from my family and then back home 8 years later.  I have here friends and there friends and each one plays a special role in my mommy experience.

 Here are my tips for being a good villager, you know, how not to be the village idiot.

Don't Judge 

I may have 3 kids and I have been a mom for 9 years now, but I am NOT an expert... and no offence but neither are you... 

We all have our moments of not so wonderful, like a week ago when we were stuck in town due to heavy snow and staying with some friends.  On the second night of the spontaneous sleep over we kinda realized that none of my kids had changed their underwear... not my proudest moment but the other mom and I kind of cringed and then shrugged it off.  No judgement... 

Don't Offer Advice

Unless you are asked for advice.  Maybe that thing that would drive you nuts if it was your kid, isn't even on that other mom's radar.  So hold your tongue mama... 

Take Advice

If you ask for it then you gotta take it.  It is super annoying to be asked for input on a situation only to be told 30 seconds later why your strategy won't work.  You don't have to implement the advice given but at least appreciate the help you asked for and consider it. 

No Drama Mama

So I haven't called you in a month... call me.  Maybe there's something going on and I could really use an ear... or just maybe I am exhausted from being a full time homeschool mom of 3.  (Just sayin').  This is probably one of those things where it's truly not you it's me.

To Each Her Own

Respect other family's cultures.  We aren't really sports fans around here... but I know families who are really excited to watch whatever big game is on T.V., together, and that's fantastic!  We head to the ski hill as often as possible and other folks like to stay where it's warm and read a book instead (I must admit both sound divine to me).  It all works out and one family is not making a better choice than the other... just a different one.

We are all in this together... doing the best we know how.

What would you add?  What do you appreciate about your village?  

When Gentle Discipline Doesn't Come Naturally

Gentle Discipline is not my gut reaction as a mother...It's definitely my desire... but it doesn't come naturally.  It takes very intentional thought and action to do things like snuggle a small child who has lost control of her emotions or sooth the conscience of an 8 year old who has made a genuine mistake.

In fact there are many times when I have had to rewind the situations and start over again.  I have to fight against motherly pride... you know that inner voice that says "Shut up because I said so and you're driving me nuts and my comfort is WAY more important than yours!!" and become humble. It is humility that allows me to soften my voice, puts kindness in my eyes and allows me to be the mama I want to be.

I am so glad that my children are open to second chances, since calm and collected (maybe sanity is the word I'm looking for) are not my native tongue.  They readily accept my apologies and hugs and snuggles.  We breath deeply together and sooth one another.

On those occasions when I do get it right the first time (and thankfully they are becoming more and more frequent), I make sure to take note of it.  Mentally high fiving myself or writing it down as a gift in my gratitude journal.

We are not perfect Mamas, we are hard workers, we push past our burdens to love, we fail but our success is not measured in failure.  Our success is measured in how many times we get up, splash a little water on our faces, gulp back another cuppa and share our hearts with our kiddos.

Over the next little while, from time to time,
I will be sharing the ways I am improving my parenting .  I welcome your comments, tips and advice,  We are a village (and there are no idiots in my village).

Happy Birthday Hudson!

Dear Hudson
I promise to keep my emotions in check over you turning 9... (not like when you turned 8).  
You are so brave.  Exploring, trying daredevil tricks, coming up with games that include smashing rocks and shooting slingshots.  I must admit, since I grew up with all sisters, you often bewilder me with all your bounty of boyness.

I'm so happy you are a kind and patient kid.  My heart nearly bursts when I see the gentle ways you let your little sister "help" you with things and the way you teach her new skills.  I love that you include Meadow in your adventures and let her be "one of the guys" with you.  You are a fantastic big brother.

Thank you for being a great kid.  Your sense of humor and quick smile make being your mom a pleasure... even if most of the giggling you do is because your smelly toot is torturing all of us.

This time last year you had just finished your first chapter book.  I can not even count how many you have read throughout the last year.  I hope you will always love stories.

You are amazing.  I am so thrilled to be your mom.


Happy Birthday Cute Face!

The Wonderful World of Kids and Technology

About a month ago I got a text from my kid's Auntie "We got our kids iPads for Christmas. Would it be OK if we give Hudson one of the boys iPods for his birthday?" 

I must admit I was not keen on this idea right away.  Not that I was dead set against it either.  It just felt like a big step.  A milestone really for my nearly 9 year old to be entering into the world of personal tech gadgets.

Long story short we said yes, and Hudson received his present early since Auntie was visiting for the holidays.
I was not anticipating how entertaining and heart melting giving a kid the freedom of messaging would be.

 Day 1 with the iPod has been full of messages... from across the living room.  Some of the texts have been answers to my verbal questions.  A couple of times Hudson has sent me a message and then hunted me down to tell me that there was a spelling mistake and what he actually intended to send.  Way too cute right!?

There are of course boundaries that come with this freedom... and admittedly a few bribes... "You can have time with your iPod if you fold the laundry."

I am relieved to see that so far the canyon I thought I was leaping into with this new toy is not as deep as it seemed.

How about you?  Do your kids have their own iPods? Any tips for me?

1 Way I'm Being a Kinder Mama...

I don't know about you, but I am not always a kind mama... I sometimes take my children's behavior quite personally.  Which causes some... dare I say... Mommy tantrums?  The truth is however... that the intention behind my 3 year old's crying/yelling no at the top of her lungs episodes is not to make me rock back and forth in a corner chanting this too shall pass.  It's just her working out her frustrations in her own little immature (shrieking, eardrum splitting) way. 

I've been working on changing my reactions to my children's sometimes less than lovely behavior. (Really they are mostly wonderful little people that I enjoy very much.)  I stumbled upon a little mommy gem that seems to be working well right now for taming those tantrums... both mine and hers.

Filling them up with love...

It started on Christmas Day... in the middle of present opening chaos... after a significantly late night... Delaney was melting.  Because of all the noise and commotion I don't even know what triggered her meltdown.  I had one of those mama moments of genius.  I scooped up my little girl and whisked her away to an empty bedroom.  There in the calm and quiet I whispered in her ears how much I love her: " I love you to the moon and back. I love you a bushel and a peck. I love you soo much." Then I whispered it to her fingers and toes and she giggled. We snuggled and she rubbed my cheeks and said "I just wuv you so much Mama."  A Hallmark moment if I may say so.  Crisis averted we returned to the main event and she knew that I was on her side in all this turmoil.

 I've been doing this for the last little while when I spy a meltdown brewing and it has not failed yet.

Possible reasons why this works...

Hugging reduces stress:

The act of embracing floods our bodies with oxytocin, a "bonding hormone" that makes people feel secure and trusting toward each other, lowers cortisol levels, and reduces stress. CNN.com

Yelling doesn't work it just makes things worse. The Orange Rhino

Getting upset alongside my child or at my child is not helpful.  It just causes a viscous cycle of hurt, anger and fear, for both of us.  Quiet, gentle words and whispers peppered with deep breaths( mostly mine) Are calming and end the tantrum faster. 

Do unto others...
When I think about how I want the people in my life (who love me) to treat me when I am having an emotional breakdown it doesn't involve the words "That's enough" or "Stop crying".  I long be treated gently and to be taken care of.  I want to be told kind things, comforted and loved.  And if I in all of my adult wisdom can pinpoint that only a jerk would tell me to hurry up and get over it... I better not be exampling jerk behavior for my little ones.

Disclaimer: 

I am not so naive to suggest that I have superior parenting methods to anyone else or that my ways will work for every kid.  (Heck in a week it may no longer work for my kid).  I just wanted to share what's working for us right now in hopes that those who need it will find it. 

Linking up with:

Thankful Thursday...#25

Thankful thursday is a long deep breath this week.  Something soothing to do... making a list of what I am thankful for.

1. Waking up early and feeling like there is a whole extra part of the day ahead of me. 
2. Helping Delaney clean up Lego and hearing her sweet little voice say "Thank you for helping me mama."
3. New, soft, patterned leggings.
4. After Eight Tea... it feels like a guiltless treat in my mug.
5. "How are you?" checkup calls from my sweet understanding Twyla girl.
6. Yesterday is gone.
7. Jam and sourdough bread.
8. My Craigy who leaves me love letters.
9. Folks who have helped me raise money for Julie's 30th Birthday CF Fundraiser
10. Watching my children play with each other.

photo credit: woodleywonderworks via photopin cc