Warning: This is the story of our first miscarriage... written because I think it's an important story and stories need to be shared...
See that fresh faced couple there? They have no idea what the next two years are about to bring them... In about 7 months they will have conceived their first baby... A surprise... But a welcome surprise... Even though they are still trying to figure out how to be married... How to be good Christians... How to navigate regular life.
On a January afternoon there was a faint second line on the stick... That loving young man called the 1-800 number on the box...to find out what exactly did that mean? A line is a line... We were pregnant.
So the girl made a doctors appointment... And she took the doctor's test... Negative.
Off to the lab for blood work... And when she called my doctor's receptionist the next day she was told the results said negative... Not pregnant.
Until 5 minutes later... The receptionist called back to tell the girl she had given her the wrong results... Pregnant... They were pregnant!
With naive elation that young wife told the world... Parents and grandparents... Church folks... Grocery store clerks. The couple floated on plans... And dreams.
The spotting started the next week... But that was ok because Google said some spotting is normal.
Then there was a little more blood... So they headed to the E.R.
The doctor told her she might be having a little miscarriage...
Looking back I want that newlywed, 21 year old me to say... This isn't little to me... This is trauma!
We called our pastor... He welcomed us into his home and prayed. Prayers didn't stop the bleeding and soon enough I had to make all of those excited phone calls in reverse... Our baby was gone.
A woman I barely knew (she is one of my closest friends now)...called to ask me how I was doing and let me know that she to had recently lost a baby and she was there for me... I said I was sad but fine... I wish I had the courage to say no... I'm not ok... I'm crumbling... I'm suffocating... I've let everyone down...
I've spent days figuring out how to end this post... but the truth is the story goes on... 14 months after our first baby went to heaven we discovered another pink line on a stick... this time we were more cautious with our news... but soon enough I held a newborn Hudson in my arms... and the next chapter began...
Thank you for sharing. And, I disagree with the caution of sharing. Just like it was a big trauma.... It was big news. It was a baby. He/she was loved before conception. I have felt this pain twice. But, it would be worse to be quiet and bare the pain alone. Love your heart Sarah.
ReplyDeleteMiscarriages are devastating, that's your baby that you wish could have stay. That no matter how long or short you miss them growing inside.
ReplyDeleteOh my, Sarah, this is our story EXACTLY! I still think about it even almost 10 years later....my hope is in the fact that this world is not the end! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteWow good read
ReplyDeleteLove you Sarah
Thank you for posting this. Women need to know its ok to not be ok, and that they are not alone.
ReplyDeleteIts very kind of you to share.